Welcome To Rockville 2011

Since this post was supposed to be done before we hit the second Welcome to Rockville we’re kind of a day late and a dollar short so to speak.  Nothing could really compare to the first experience of this massive 20 band music festival in our hometown of Jacksonville…except maybe the second which will be posted soon after this one.  But first, for educational purposes, I shall now give all you readers out there a small rundown of one of the grimiest, nastiest, emo infested, goth trudging, flesh smorgasbords that we encountered (up to that date) at one of the worst run music concerts I have ever in my life witnessed with my own two eyes, felt with my own two scorned fingers, and smelt with my own poor nose.

This is Welcome to Rockville – Year 1!

For starters, music fests are not really a purple sparkling unicorn in Jacksonville.  No, no, they happen often actually.  We have two rock stations fighting for supremacy and the winner of the biggest music festival is normally the larger station. That would be logic!  To make local bands feel included, they have a battle of the bands and those take up the first stage set aside near the main entrance.  That’s what I said…the first stage!  I sadly cannot tell you any details of this stage since it was mostly surrounded by leather clad skin heads head banging and mosh pitting their way to glory…and the Baptist hospital.  Surrounding that stage were local vendors selling hats, shirts, leather bondage straps, purple sun screen, body piercings, and liquid latex (we’re not called Freakville for nothing!).  But it was what was up and over the hill…the only hill in Florida…that was what everyone came for!

Time for the main event!  Gates opened at 11 AM and we were there just in time…to miss Halestorm.  I know!  It sucks!  But I was with two rocking friends…one you all know, Leola and the other was a new acquaintance who was totally amazing, Becca!  During the course of this concert I would be thankful for both of them!  More on that later when the heat and shadeless misery kicks in!  So after we made our way through the first stage we hiked up the hill to the main…grassy knoll?  There on said grassy knoll was what looked like a new aged, punkified, vampire draped, tattoo wonderland that reminded me a bit of what Woodstock might have looked like the first day.

And, lo…there they were.  The two main stages!  That’s right!  Two!  Double the awesome!  Double the bass!  Double the chaos!  Yet sadly…double the stupidity!  You see, though they were both main stages, one was a secondary main stage for only a little lesser known acts.  To tell you honestly, I was there for one of those lesser acts!  That one would have been My Darkest Days which didn’t go on stage until 4:25 PM and the day was still young!  So what did our smart asses do to waste time?  Drank!  Silly, foolish us!

You see, here in Florida it starts getting hot in March and there was no shade anywhere in the grassy knoll that it was inevitable.  The combination of liquor and heat would be our undoing.  we started to unravel quickly then and then there was another pressing matter.  My low blood pressure.  And it hit around Theory of a Dead Man.  Standing with Becca behind me and TOADM (just realized the anagram is hilarious!) singing an unreleased “The Bitch Came Back”…it happened.  I almost dropped like a rock in the middle of a punk filled crowd jumping to the metal.  Leola and Becca quickly got me on the ground behind the massive control tower thirty foot from the stage (no shitting!  I have another complaint to make!) and supplied me with $6 water.  This is a good reason I am thankful!

So after that downfall we hung out in the little bit of shade and listened (since that fucking tower blocked the stage!) to Seether.  Since I had already seen Seether during Nickleback I wasn’t heartbroken to get up front…but damn was it funny to listen too!  You see, the lead singer of Seether had dated Amy Lee, the lead singer of Evanesence, wrote a hit song together and then violently broke it off.  When asked to sing this particular song (“Broken”) which was a song about their love…he did fantastically!  I mean, he is so talented that he can improvise on a dime with colorful metaphors a lovely bouquet of vulgarity that I’m sure everyone appreciated.  I think the live version has more soul with tequila, heat, and seething hatred involved!  I mean, it’s hard to follow the line “I hate you , you stupid fucking whore!  Crawl and die!”  with rhyme, yet it was harmonized extremely well!  The rest of Seether was a garble of slurred lyrics, bad sound management, and constant memory issues with lyrics.  But it made for great dramatic emphasis on the impromptu guitar solos!

And in our opinion (all three of us) Lzzy Hale sounds 100% better!

And then it came down (finally) to My Darkest Days!  Since Becca and Leola were satisfied people watching…the atrocious, flab-fest that drunkenly pirouetted around us constantly, I went solo to Main Stage 2 and watched my boys rock house!   Little did I know of the horror that was going on just 50 feet behind me!  As I was busy rocking, getting a contact high from the vortex of narcotics swirling about me, Leola and Becca were having their own grim moment that would forever be burned into their poor souls.

A, shall we say, inebriated woman who was using her boyfriend as a dancing pole decided that it was a perfect time to start removing clothing.  The woman was not young, not thin, and not really encouraged to do this random act of nudity but it was too late.  Amongst the pleas and the groveling by other spectators to have her clothes stay on…it was not enough to convince her!  The carnage unfolded one floppy boob at a time until her “personal” striptease was done.  Maybe in her mind she and her man were alone, maybe she thought they were safe at home, maybe the gallon of beer and liquor she drank made her feel like Superwoman…either way the damage was done!  The only thing I am glad for is I didn’t have to witness it because I would have definitely taken a picture for bribery!

And if you think we were hungry after this event…you would be correct!  What better way to forget pain and suffering caused by some fat, naked chick then to eat your worries away?  So, at these events there is always a main act.  The last act. And this year was Godsmack!  The only problem was…it was over for us.  We were spent, we were crispy… we were finished.  Fin.  We managed to put together a damage report later and noticed that the price of two cokes at the concert costs the same as a CD which we bought from a friend who works MERCH, Leesa!  And with that, we went elsewhere to eat.  Chili’s actually!  You now why?  Two for One all day bitches!!

One thought on “Welcome To Rockville 2011

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