During the early years of Rock, albums were the thing that gave audiences their first impression of a band if they were able to get an album to start with! They were there to grab attention and were vital in the success of many bands trying to break into the top 40. However…there have been mistakes, of course. Horrible, mind-blowing, tragic mistakes in either photography, album naming, or just inadequate band titles that turned fans off at first glance. Whether it be a visually offensive image that has forever burned itself into your memory forcing you to seek therapy by a Chinese acupuncturist or a album title that caused you a heart attack since you were laughing too hard everyone has a favorite wretched album cover.
Here are a few great, yet incredibly unfortunate, album covers that I wish would be rethought. And please understand, there are some that I not only can not put up on the site, but there are those I will not put up. I’ll give you an example and this is a legit band so please don’t get me for this, Goblin Cock…ridiculous and the album cover is just as bad!
David Hasselhoff – Night Rocker
I think he rode the Night Rider theme a bit too long. But he is huge in Germany so this is probably still a number 1 album!
Charles Manson – Lie
That’s right! What would the world be like without the prophetic words of one of the most loathsome convicts in US history?
The Bee Gees – Life in a Tin Can
Hey! I’m glad there’s enough room in there for all of you! Just make sure you keep disco in there…I don’t miss it!
Michael Bolton – Everbody’s Crazy
That is one hell of a claim there sir! Everybody now? There might be some out there but I don’t think you should make such radical accusations…nor do I think you should record albums anymore.
ManOwar – Anthology
Sure…I get it. Power Metal…how you changed our world. Or in your opinion, you saved the world from evil warlocks bent on world domination.
Swamp Dogg – Rat On!
Ride ’em…weird looking African American male… You teach that rat who’s the boss!
Davy Graham – Hat
And what a fabulous hat it is my friend!
The Louvin Brothers – Satan is Real
Really? You found him? Damn! I thought Ozzy had him tied up in his basement and forgot about him in the late 80’s!
Almighty – Do you Understand
I do now! Just call off the duck dammit!
The Ritchie Family – Bad Reputation
Soo…which is the Ritchie family? The leather clad or the…no clad? I feel kinda dirty though and not in a good way.
Tino – Por Primero Vez
OMG!! He stole a pair of Daisy Dukes! And he is offending me with them! That is an international crime!
John Bult – Julie’s Sixteenth Birthday
Oh, hells no! No…and no…and…yeah, no.
Colonel Sanders – Tijuana Picnic
Hey there Colonel! You know what goes great with chicken? A nice long shot of tequila! Makes it fiesta chicken almost instantly!
Father Robert White – The Reverend in Rhythm
Something makes me happy when I realize that people who make albums really do have rhythm. You know? Thanks for telling us you have it Father! And that pipe! Pimp!
Village People – Renaissance
Ahh, what happened guys? If people thought you represent homosexuality before, I think you put a stopper on that! And who are the two guys on the front!?
The Cooper Family – I’m Gods Child
That is a hot statement to make Mrs. Cooper! Have you told Mr. Cooper or is he alright with it?
Adriano Pappalardo – Cominciare
I fear this might have something to do with pedophilia. I’m not too sure though.
The Minister’s Quartet – Let Me Touch Him
No! No,no,no! What? No! But thanks for asking permission.
Larz Kristecs – Stuff Party
They will tear up the floor! These guys get so crazy later that you won’t even remember the rest of the night since the Roofies will kick in around halfway through their first set.
Geraldine and Ricky – Tress Talk Too
To hell with the trees! There is a wooden doll in your lap! Is that why trees talk since he was made from a tree? Oh, no! I called it a ‘he’…he’ll eat my soul now that I have given him recognition!
Butch Yelton and Upbound – Swing That Gospel Axe
That arrow indicates where the bodies are buried…so, good hunting guys!
Righeira – Hey Mama!
Hey baby! What’s Up! Satan? That’s cool! Call your father more often he worries about you.
Physical Fitness Exercises for Boys
Because visuals are not important! But closeted, sexually confused boys can get a good head start on their…exercises.
BOTDF – It’s Hard to be a Diamond in a Rhinestone World
What the j-rock abuse is that? Oh no! This is not j-rock people so don’t even start! This is a sad emo kid with a can of hairspray and a lot of frr time!
Norberto de Freitas – Trapalhadas da Balbino
What a lovely smile you have! And that facial hair? Damn!
David Atwood – Let’s Be Friends
I think that’s a good idea! You have your life, I have mine. I think we should go our separate ways..and hopefully never see you again waiting patiently for me at the laundry.
Peter Frampton – I’m In You
You better have protection you skeevy bastard! I know where you’ve been! It is documented!
The Rolling Stones – Goats Head Soup
Even bands as awesome as The Stones had their sad moments.
Freddie Gage – All My Friends Are Dead
All of them huh? You look kind of young man…I don’t think all of them are dead. Was there a fire at a party? Plane crash? You could get a pen pal.
I don’t even know what the hell this is! But it looks like a wizard with antlers…okay.
Lords of Acid – Rubber Doll
Horrible! Well, at least they didn’t beat around the bush…so to speak.
The Tingling Mother’s Circus – A circus of the Mind
Oh my. Oh…wow. Let’s put two things I hate on an album, circus themes and the threat of that circus screwing with my mind. I have no problem going to prison for the murder of a clown you sick sons of bitches!