Guess what?

WE WENT TO PARAMORE!  And you didn’t. haha

Now that we’re done heckling you, we’ll tell you about how the night went,starting from when we got drunk, which was very early. At Chili’s.

Long story short, we got really drunk, so we didn’t have to pay for liquor at the venue…which we ended up doing anyway…but that’s later.

Ok, so, after 20 minutes of sobering up enough to drive, we called Quaker Joe, you see, it was his birthday. In mid conversation, as we were driving to the venue, our attention span was distracted by naked man-flesh (Thank you Flagler track team)

So, we got to the venue, parked a mile away in a church parking lot (Because God provides) and walked the miserable mile there.

When we got there, we decided we were drunk enough to forego the wristbands…untill some little kid asked us who’s class we were in….though it made us feel young, we still got the wrist bands. Out of principle.  As a direct result of that and New Found Glory, we later got drinks.

Remarkably, we liked the very first opener, Kadawatha. They were good, and even though the front-man did a very convincing imitation of a monkey, he still sounded good. Plus he played guitar, giving us about seven guitarists instead of the usual two.

Then New Found Glory (That’s as much as I care to say about that…oh and you guys are past your prime, so please put on a f**ing shirt)

Tegan and Sara….Mostly for the gay couples. Of which Jacksonville is apparently a hoarder. And an over excited group of Asians that decided to jump in front of our front row seats…never have I wanted to hug a scary looking security guard so much in my life.  And we saw a 7foot tall redhead, that we mistook for a man….for a very long time…until (s)he turned around.

And then, right before Paramore started, we managed to get ourselves on Youtube. By one of their roadies. With a camera, an we were drunk enough to oblige, that and we were the loudest two in that section, it takes years of practice at yelling at concerts to reach the level of pitch and volume that is needed to get the band’s attention. Teenagers just don’t have it. Really drunk twenty-sometings do.

Now here’s the real kicker.  All night long, Jackie had interchangeable neighbors to her right since everyone was trying to get front row and like four groups tried to take the seats away…until Paramore, in which case the real owners of the seats came and were pissed that some freshmen were taking their primo seating.

(the events we are getting to happened in random order and we know this but we are remembering as we go along.

Leola, about halfway through Tegan and Sara realized, with a keen sense of smell, someone was smoking a Clove.  Commodity!  She automatically started hunting about for the source of the intoxicatingly familiar smell and identified a young man several seats down smoking in the front.  She hurled herself down and asked the gentleman for a stick…when upon closer inspection…dude looked like a lady…or the other way around.  Either way, it shocked her for a few seconds before the idea of smoking a Clove overcame her fear of asking for the persons sexual orientation…and that need was quite great.  Unfortunately, Victor/Victoria had bummed theirs off someone else.  Dismayed, she returned…probably more pissed at Obama than anyone.

Oh!  And she got a guitar pick.  That was cool.

The games we came up with at concerts to keep you entertained while the s***y bands play first.

1.  Spot the newbie.  Anyone who is wearing high heels in the nose bleed section…or the ones that try too hard to act punk rock.

2.  Spot the roadie.  And see if your partner in crime can distract him long enough to get his walkie away from him so you can spout orders of obscenity into the device.  Fun times will never end for you…especially in the back of the cop car.

3.  Spot jail-bait. These are the ones in hoochie shorts and tank tops being followed by a wild-eyed man who gives anyone the evil eye if the so much as glance in her direction.  Ahh, daddys.

4.  Are you too J-rock?  We are…we realized.  When a rock concert is sorta lame after 15 minutes…you might be too j-rock.

So, that was basically the end after Paramore.

Next entry will see how Leola fairs…more info to come.

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